Last night I cried falling asleep, questioning myself why I do have to do this? Is what I'm doing now is right and godly? I could've changed my ticket's date to an earlier date and I could've gone by now, but I did not because I was hoping to be able to spend my very last couple months with some closer friends.
At times I was upset and frustrated at myself because I've been expecting too much from other people. I was helpless because I have no idea what other people are thinking and I understand everyone is busy but I honestly don't know what I can do. I guess the only thing I can do is to make myself always available to everyone whenever they want to spend some quality time with me.
The other reason I didn't change my mind on my leaving day was because I know I will regret! I've been there, I've done something that made me feel guilty and regret for 12 years. When I was turning 13, my grandmother came and visit and expecting to stay for my birthday. We were planning to go out for supper and for some reason I threw my temper to everyone and we ended up didn't do anything. That was the last time I saw her, and the last words I spoke to her was snapping words. She passed away on the same year and I didn't get to see her or even apologized. Since then, I started to watch out my temper tantrum, but it's still too late. I thought I've forgotten about all this, but it came to my mind last night when I was praying. I wonder why God wants to remind me of this?
I have been holding back everything in me, because I know the wait will worth it one day. Wonder what will happen tomorrow? At least I'm not going to regret on anything I've done today.....
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
54 days left
Last night I cried falling asleep, questioning myself why I do have to do this? Is what I'm doing now is right and godly? I could've changed my ticket's date to an earlier date and I could've gone by now, but I did not because I was hoping to be able to spend my very last couple months with some closer friends.
At times I was upset and frustrated at myself because I've been expecting too much from other people. I was helpless because I have no idea what other people are thinking and I understand everyone is busy but I honestly don't know what I can do. I guess the only thing I can do is to make myself always available to everyone whenever they want to spend some quality time with me.
The other reason I didn't change my mind on my leaving day was because I know I will regret! I've been there, I've done something that made me feel guilty and regret for 12 years. When I was turning 13, my grandmother came and visit and expecting to stay for my birthday. We were planning to go out for supper and for some reason I threw my temper to everyone and we ended up didn't do anything. That was the last time I saw her, and the last words I spoke to her was snapping words. She passed away on the same year and I didn't get to see her or even apologized. Since then, I started to watch out my temper tantrum, but it's still too late. I thought I've forgotten about all this, but it came to my mind last night when I was praying. I wonder why God wants to remind me of this?
I have been holding back everything in me, because I know the wait will worth it one day. Wonder what will happen tomorrow? At least I'm not going to regret on anything I've done today.....
At times I was upset and frustrated at myself because I've been expecting too much from other people. I was helpless because I have no idea what other people are thinking and I understand everyone is busy but I honestly don't know what I can do. I guess the only thing I can do is to make myself always available to everyone whenever they want to spend some quality time with me.
The other reason I didn't change my mind on my leaving day was because I know I will regret! I've been there, I've done something that made me feel guilty and regret for 12 years. When I was turning 13, my grandmother came and visit and expecting to stay for my birthday. We were planning to go out for supper and for some reason I threw my temper to everyone and we ended up didn't do anything. That was the last time I saw her, and the last words I spoke to her was snapping words. She passed away on the same year and I didn't get to see her or even apologized. Since then, I started to watch out my temper tantrum, but it's still too late. I thought I've forgotten about all this, but it came to my mind last night when I was praying. I wonder why God wants to remind me of this?
I have been holding back everything in me, because I know the wait will worth it one day. Wonder what will happen tomorrow? At least I'm not going to regret on anything I've done today.....
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